Week 3, Day 1: 3,832 steps

4/25/2024 Weight 171.6

Today was productive (if not physically). I’ve planned our summer, budgeted for next month with menus and have a debt plan. I needed a day like today. I just got the email with my Way Better winnings too! $17. 37! I’ll reinvest $10 and put $7.37 into the debt fund. I also stared intermittent fasting today to try and help. I won’t eat before noon or after 8PM. Wish me luck!

Week 2, Day 7: 5, 424 steps

Today was a cold, blustery and sometimes rainy day. I managed to move all the deck furniture which has been on my to-do list for well over a month. I’m almost caught up on laundry *gasp but despite those victories, I am significantly under my step goal. Thankfully I finished the challenge yesterday. Since the competition officially ends at midnight, I still don’t know if I’ve won anything more than my $10 investment back. Stay tuned…

Looking into the “stress less” challenge, it’s all about self -care.

Description

Practicing self-care helps lower stress levels , allowing your body to regulate and supporting your weight loss goals. Have a spa day., complete a craft, read a book, get outside, or choose something else that soothes you.

This sounds like the encouragement I needed to fill my own cup.

Level 3 here I come!!!

Week 2, Day 6: 7,730 steps

You won Walk It Off!

Way to go. You bet on yourself and won!

What happens now? After the game officially ends, results will be finalized within 24-48 hours. Then we’ll calculate your winnings and add them to your account! Keep an eye on your email to see the final amount won.

Congratulations on your big win. Take a minute to celebrate, and then keep the momentum going.

I did it! I won the game! I stayed within my WW points and remembered to post my water bottle selfie. Today was a good day! I’m waiting to see how and when funds are made available and then I’ll reinvest in another walking challenge. This really worked for me and forced me to be active when I would have opted to stay seated. Also, there is a “ stress less” challenge that I have to complete in order to advance to level 3. I’m intrigued. The hydration game has 3 more days until it ends… stay tuned.

Week 2, Day 5: 4,953 steps

I had high hopes when the day started to finish out the competition week and be done but to no avail. I feel like I was up and down the stairs more than necessary to grab a roast from the freezer, to switch out laundry, take out the garbage, etc… but it just wasn’t enough. To make matters worse the distractions just kept coming and work dragged on and on… It ended up being a late work night despite my best efforts and that led to snacking. I tried to just stick to fruit but I sabotaged myself by making Brandon and Brian cookies for PSSA testing this week. Then Izzy… God love her asked if we had any apples or oranges. (I had coincidentally just eaten the last apple). At 8:30 last night she insisted she needed one or the other to feed her hatching butterfly at school. He was going to be SUPER hungry. I told her I’d run out today and get her apples but she insisted that she needed to have it there this morning so logging out and into the car I go to the grocery store before it closed for apples and lunch stuff for Brian because I don’t think he is eating lunch on test days… I thought for sure the run around the grocery store would earn me some much needed steps but all it got me was another hour I’d have to sit at my desk and then late night munchies that I have been avoiding by going to bed a decent time prior to last night. There was no time left to hop on the treadmill to make up for it either because before I knew it, it was midnight. Oh well. Today is another day. Thankfully I made all my goals up until now so I still have time. I’ll hit my goals today.

Week 2, Day 4: 9,834 steps

Back to back days at the Carnegie Science Center and back to back Power Goals! I gained .6 lbs back but I’m sure most of it is water weight, even if I did indulge in a late night (Izzy’s leftover) Goldfish crackers snack. I still had weekly left over points and I’m consciously making better choices and it’s getting easier to do it too. It’s a new week and I only have to meet my small step goal once to win the first challenge! GO ME! I will definitely sign up for another walking challenge after this one because it really does push me to get my steps in. As far as the hydration challenge, I’m just going to have to switch to my original water bottle with the marked amounts and times for motivation/reminders because I still hate having my picture taken and having to post a “water selfie” daily is really getting to me. It’s not having a positive effect and I dread it every day. I searched most of the other games and they are mostly “post a selfie for verification” and well, that’s just not me. Plus it’s so much easier to have verifications that sync with my watch so that’s where I am with that. I fully intend on winning the hydration game this time around and then just doing that my way.

4/20/2024 Weight: 171.8

Holy shit! Despite having 3 Vodka Tonics and eating a day’s worth of points for dinner, I have managed to lose 1.2lbs!!! I know it doesn’t sound like a lot but I have been “stuck” for so long that I can see the 160’s right around the corner!!! 17lbs to go to get back to where I ended my weight loss journey the last time and I might make that goal ahead of last time. I might actually make it to my goal weight within this summer!!! The plan today is to do something fun with the kids. Jackson & Izzy both suggested the zoo. I could really get some quality steps in there! Stay tuned…

Week 2, Day 3: 10,635 steps

I did it! I freaking did it! I took the kids (Izzy and Jackson) to the Science Center and then a quick grocery/snack run and got my Power Day goal (and then some)! I haven’t seen 10, 000 steps in FOREVER.

I chose a healthy lunch option at the cafe, made myself a healthy sandwich for dinner and snacked on grapes when I wanted something sweet and I made my first water goal! Today was a good day!

Week 2, Day 2: 7,769 steps

Another day and another goal met! I thought I’d have more steps in today… I volunteered to chaperone Izzy’s field trip to the Aviary and then had Jackson’s wrestling banquet with haircuts in-between. Either way, my small step goal was still met and I’m almost halfway through the second week and winning my first challenge! Strangely enough I have only been using the Weight Watcher’s app to track my points and weight when I realized there is a tab for activity which has been synching to my Apple watch and rewarding me with additional weekly points for all my extra steps… that being said, it also has a goal set of 8,800 steps per day which as you can tell I’m not always meeting. I will sign up for another Way Better walking challenge after this and if my steps aren’t adjusted higher this round, I will self impose a daily goal of 8,800 steps just to take the next step and push myself a little further (no pun intended).

Since I had the extra points “banked” I rewarded myself, not with cake but with several adult beverages because these weeks have been hard and I just wanted relax and enjoy an evening relishing in the fact that there wouldn’t be a pile of dirty dishes waiting for me late that night or the next morning. “Cheers!”

Week 2, Day 1: 8,920 steps

I did it! Day one of the new week and small goal step met!!!

Week 1, Day 7: 5,012 steps

Our family had back to back birthday celebrations this past weekend. Jack and Livie the “Wonder Twins” and I am proud to say that I didn’t have cupcakes or cake either day! I may have had a beer and a half but that was my “splurge” and quite frankly, I feel I earned it. That being said, my SIL… let me get side tracked for a moment to call out how blessed I am. And it’s not some superficial #blessed social media post with the little duck lips selfie, I am for real blessed. My SIL’s are some of the most wonderful and thoughtful people whom I have ever met. They are so kind and loving in the way they treat me and my kids. Not to mention my best friend Kate (whose birthday is today) whom I have known pretty much my entire life and my friend Kari. Sometimes I forget that I’m not alone and that I have a tribe of really awesome women who have seen me at my darkest and still stick around and pick me up when I can’t pick myself up. The last couple months have really been a struggle for me. And I’m not sure what it is exactly. The kids were non-stop repeatedly sick for 3 straight weeks. Maybe it’s just life and the way things ebb and flow. But I’ve been overwhelmed and have been in a serious rut and really started struggling with my mortality. The whole 50 being on the horizon and feeling like garbage. The realization that I have more life behind me than I have in front of me is sobering and quite frankly sad. Then a few days ago an old co-worker of mine changed her profile picture to a cute picture of herself with her husband and I remember thinking what a sweet picture it was when she originally shared it a few years ago…. and then the comments started flooding in. “Condolences”. “Sorry for your loss”. I felt gut punched. Didn’t she just post her daughter’s 12th birthday last week? Didn’t she just throw her husband a 50th Surprise Birthday party last month? What happened? Is he really gone? Surely this is a mistake. I’ve been stalking her social media and the internet for 2 days now. Nothing. My heart aches for her and her kids. I’m in shock and disbelief so I can’t imagine how she feels. And not to be morbid or dramatic but death is coming for us all and what have I done with my life? What will I leave behind? I have so much left to do and accomplish. How will my kids remember me? Will my husband have to unexpectedly raise them alone? Will I even be missed? I’ve always had a Bucket List. I jokingly refer to it all the time. I’ve scaled it back to things I truly believe I’ll be able to check off before I check out but if I don’t get healthier, if I don’t lose this weight, even the “Bucket List Lite” isn’t going to happen. But when spending this past weekend with my SIL she really made me feel better about the choices I’m really struggling to make. I related how I feel guilty trying to take any time for myself. I don’t know why I am like that. But it’s always; I have work that needs done, the kids need this, that or the other thing, the laundry is piled up, the dishes are piled up, the kitchen floor is sticky, the living room is trashed… by the time I’m done there is no time left for anything else. Translation: no time for me. When Brian is feeling well, he’ll come home, set the kid’s up with their homework and then head to the basement to row on his rowing machine. He doesn’t ask. He just does what he needs to do because he has a goal/want/need. I end up logging out and stop working to make sure the kids get their homework started and then I start dinner because it will be too late by the time Brian is done. Sometimes they eat before he’s done with his work out, then I clean up… and back to my desk I go to finish work. Now it’s bedtime for the kids and I’ve got to “remind” them to brush their teeth… 9:30PM – 10PM and that’s it. Day is over. After a few days of that routine I would get so frustrated with him and myself because I felt I couldn’t do that. I can’t just disappear and take an hour for myself. But whose fault is that? I don’t ever ask for help I just struggle through it and then get angry until it boils over. That’s on me. And as my SIL so rightfully put it. I need to fill my cup first. Taking care of myself is ultimately taking care of my family. So here I am. Taking walks after dinner in the evening with anyone who wants to join and the dog because he is wound tighter than any living thing should be. I’m here venting/journaling to get it all out, tracking water and steps and the food I nourish myself with in the hopes that this also nourishes my soul and fills my cup so I have more life left to live. Life that I can live to the fullest. A Joyful life so my kids remember me happy and that they have a childhood filled with joy, laughter, fun and above all a childhood they cherish because I cherished them enough to do better for myself.

4/16/2024 Weight: 173 lbs.

Holy shit! Diet, exercise (and soon, proper hydration) work. Duh! Seriously though. I guess I really just needed to find that extra motivation. I really don’t know how well what I’m doing will work to get me to my goal weight by mid August but at least I know I won’t be as heavy as I am now or feel as badly as I do now. And as the night closed out I made my weekly goal! I needed 4 days at at least 7,344 steps and I exceeded that goal on 3 separate days! I’m not “resting” today if the weather cooperates then I’ll walk again tonight. I won’t push for steps but whatever I get will be better than what I normally get and it will help keep the momentum going when challenge week 2 starts tomorrow. I’m also finding some tips/tricks/recipes/products that I’m actually enjoying so that’s helping tremendously as far as snacking and building healthier habits that will stick. For the first time in my overweight adult life I feel like I can actually manage this. Woo hoo!

Week 1, Day 6: 8,279 steps

Week 1, Day 5: 8,027 steps

It is quite embarrassing when I realize how few steps I take on a typical work day. I guess the bonus is that Tucker gets to run off some of his energy too. We tackled half the neighborhood tonight and with a couple trips up and down the stairs with laundry I was able to crash in bed at a decent time. 3 out of 4 regular goals have now been met!

I also joined a second challenge for hydration. I managed to get a little over 40 oz of plain water down which is also sadly considerably more than I normally get and only half of what I need. But it’s an improvement and it’s a “step” in the right direction. See what I did there??? Insert winky face. LOL

Week 1, Day 4: 8,193 steps

2 out of 4 regular goals needed! I had hoped to be closer to my goal after Olivia’s birthday party but a quick walk of 1/4 of the neighborhood with Tucker the Tiny Terror did us both some good and a quick 10 minutes on the treadmill got me to where I needed. Today was good day.

Week 1, Day 3: 9,951 steps

I did it! Power Goal ACHIEVED!

Today was Jackson’s birthday party and what an amazing and fun filled day it was! That being said, I still had to hop on the treadmill to get the rest of my steps in but I did it!

Week 1, Day 2: 5,841 steps

I didn’t make my goal but I only need to reach my goal small goal steps 4 times this week with one power day. This was still better than my typical average day and Tomorrow is a new day.

4/12/2024 Weight: 174.8 lbs.

The pounds aren’t melting off but they are coming off. I over ate a few days this past week and realize that if I don’t take the time to pre-plan and prep, I will absolutely eat the “easy” foods we have at home and blow through my Weight Watcher points in a meal or less. I’ve joined a handful of Weight Watcher groups on Facebook and decided to leave a few just because people can be so judgmental and cruel from behind a computer screen and I’m only allowing positivity in my life where I can control it. Squishy Mommy 2.0.

In the last few days I’ve also stumbled across the Way Better app. This is where you gamify your weight loss. It was free to sign up and they gave me $10 towards my first game!

And even better! If you refer your friends and they join you in getting healthy you get another $10 per referral! Join me here: https://app.waybetter.com/pdw1DpkXJlb

I answered a bunch of questions honestly and got a plan that if I follow it, promises that I will be at my goal weight by the end of August!

I started the “Walk It Off” yesterday. How does it work? Basically I have to meet my challenges for 2 weeks. Hit 4 active days and 1 power day per week for 2 weeks. I was challenged with 7,344 steps 4 days and 9,377 steps 1 day each week for 2 weeks based on my tracker history.

Invest, win, and share the pot.

When I complete my challenge I get my $10 back (the $10 I was gifted when I signed up) and then anyone in the group that didn’t finish the challenge, their $10 goes into the pool, the pool then gets divided amongst the people in the group that succeeded in their challenge.

Week 1, Day 1: 7,546 steps

I’ve also prepped salads, fruits (all zero points) and made a 1 point Weight Watchers cheesecake desert to get me through the weekend. Hoping this will help speed up the weight loss a little. Fingers crossed!!!

4/5/2024 Weight: 177 lbs.

Well, here we go again… I’m a mess, the house is a mess, our finances are a mess, the kids are sick and I’m fat (again or still I don’t really know anymore).

At some point in this mess I had a hysterectomy which solved some of my “issues” but as life before the pandemic, during the pandemic and after the pandemic (is it over?) I can’t tell if I’m coming or going. Pretty sure my Weight Watchers experiment was towards the end of the pandemic and was truly successful but as work hours dwindled and bonuses disappeared and then supplemental income dried up my membership was one of the first things to go. I figured I knew what I had to do and I had fostered healthier eating habits but I was wrong. I need accountability and the second things started to get tough I reverted back to my soothing with food and eating my feelings. I stopped getting on the scale and quit really leaving the house until I had to. Then my mother-in-law sent me pictures and videos of Brandon’s birthday party and I just stared in horror and disbelief. This is what I look like? This is what people see when they look at me? I was mortified. As if on queue, Weight Watchers sent me a discount for my birthday. I contemplated it for a while and right before it expired I joined back up. It was less than I was paying before and well… I don’t know how many more birthdays I will be around to celebrate if I don’t do something about my health NOW. I started back up 47 days ago and have only lost 7 lbs. The plan was to start walking the dog and drinking more water but the weather and the kids illnesses have been an unwelcome distraction so now I’m working on getting back on track.

My top priority right now is getting healthier and losing this extra 60 pounds I’m dragging around. I’ve decided to take at least one mental health day a month in PTO to tackle at least one project or make headway with one goal on my priority list. Today I’m cleaning and disinfecting the house. We’ve just survived 2 rounds of strep and 3 cases of Flu B over the last 3 weeks and I’m over it. I’m also organizing while I go. I’m taking the Easter decorations down and putting the baskets away, labeling bins, and discarding the broken and worn-out stuff. Target Bright Room bins for the win! I’ve created a spreadsheet and binder for the bills and debt. All but a few credit cards are closed now with a plan to dig my way out and stay out. I feel like the reduction of the stress because of the mess and the debt will help curb my need to self-soothe with snacks. Until I can figure out how to stop eating my feelings I guess maybe I can work on the things that make me feel so overwhelmed in the first place. I’m also trying to strategize healthier meals and snacks that won’t make me feel so deprived and as I sat here this morning with my creamless coffee flipping through the latest issue of our local publication I stumbled across a bunch of free and low-cost family-friendly activities in our local community that I think I am going to try and participate in with the kids so that when we aren’t traveling this summer or taking big vacations while we dig out of debt, they aren’t feeling deprived either and I’m not feeling trapped. Working from home and hiding from the world has come at a significant cost to my mental health and it’s taken me a while to realize and admit that. It’s also hit me that I’ve lived more of my life than I have left to live and I’ve wasted too much of it feeling bad so today starts the first day of the rest of my life—mental Health PTO Day 1.

Priorities:

Goal weight
Get Healthy
Clean and organize the house
Emergency Savings
Get out of debt
Save for retirement
House renovations

Hello… it’s been a little while. We took the kids to Lancaster, PA – Dutch Wonderland, and The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia, PA for our anniversary weekend. The Harry Potter Exhibit was AMAZING!!! I had hoped to lose another 10 pounds before we left but unfortunately, I had only lost 2 pounds. At least I lost weight and didn’t gain. Small victory. I had to buy a smaller swimsuit for the trip (hotel pool) because my current swimsuits were too big! Sadly, I still didn’t feel comfortable in public in a suit and the hotel pool (hottest damn day of the year) was full of people. I tried to suck it up and enjoy the time with the kids but it’s still a struggle. I know that this body helped create and nourish them and that I should be proud but I’m just not comfortable or happy with how I look (yet) and I really don’t know how to get past that. Work in progress… I did give in and enjoyed a couple of nice meals and “treated” myself to a couple of glasses of wine over the weekend. It was my anniversary weekend after all. I am also happy to report that I comfortably fit in all of the ride seats and the embarrassment that I have suffered over the past few summer trips to the amusement parks where I have been squished and unable to comfortably or safely pull down the lap bars is no longer an issue. After gaining 2 pounds on “vacation” and getting back to my healthier routine back at home, I’ve lost those pounds again for a net of 27.2 pounds total. 🙂

My next goal is to average a 2lb per week weight loss which should put me at my goal weight on/by Christmas Eve.

BEST.PRESENT.EVER.

Current Weight: 156.8

It’s been a busy couple of months (73 days to be exact) and I’m down almost 25 pounds total!!!! Weight Watchers works! I’m playing the long game now… So many of my bad habits have been broken. I’m more intentional with the food I consume. I no longer eat with reckless abandon. I feel better, I look better, and my confidence is slowly coming back. My hope is to start adding regular exercise to my daily routine. Even if it’s just walking half the neighborhood with the kids. I applied for a job helping coordinate weddings at a venue just down the street. I LOVE party planning and my ultimate dream would be to do this for a living. I can’t afford to quit my current job so this was the best compromise. My second (extra) job helping coordinate weddings is keeping me busy most weekends which is helping. I’m too busy to snack and I’m active when I didn’t use to be. My goal is to lose another 10 pounds for our anniversary trip with the kids in July. I’ve got 22 days. Wish me luck!

Current Weight: 159.6

I’m back… since mid-January, the focus was on a fun family vacation. My MIL announced, “We are going to Disney!!!!” I lost a few pounds… stress and late-night snacking helped me gain those few back (and then some.) I had visions of smiling happy faces and a cute skinny version of me in various poses with matching mommy and me shirts but that wasn’t to be. I didn’t really indulge in any of the Disney-themed snacks (I did enjoy a firework desert pre-party) but then Izzy became violently ill and the struggle was keeping her hydrated and focusing on making sure the rest of the family stayed healthy and got to enjoy the trip. Brian and I took turns staying in the hotel room with her and on our last day, we made it to Universal as a family. I rented Izzy a stroller to keep her out of the sun and conserve what little energy she had. Unfortunately, I was in a constant state of panic that she would start throwing up again. Luckily no one else got sick. Not sure if it was something she ate, touched, or the heat but she didn’t fully recover until we got home and I came home at 184 lbs. Easter was just a day away and I honestly had just given up. I was more bummed for Izzy than I was for anything else but she seemed unfazed. I was sad that I hardly got any Disney pictures of my family together but the few I was able to see that I’m in… it’s probably a good thing. I AM HUGE. I stood in my MIL’s kitchen in one of my unworn Disney shirts checking out the deserts. Attempting to quiet the voices in my head with cookies, pie, and cake when my MIL’s best friend walked in. SHE LOOKED AMAZING! I love her. She’s one of those people that just makes you feel loved and appreciated. She had been gone for several months and this was the first time I had seen her all year. She lost 48 pounds on Weight Watchers. She told me it was so easy and that you can eat pretty much whatever you want. I laughed because I’ve been on “those” diets. My pantry is currently half filled with un-eaten (I should check because they are probably expired by now) NutriSystem meals and snacks. I tried Noom a while back… I have a bunch of the Beach Body stuff. I even looked into those “Magical” pills that melt your fat away while you sleep (thank you, Lily). I lose interest when I have to track a bunch of stuff. Especially with work and the kids… I don’t have the energy to be consistent with working out and something (or someone) always interrupts me. I’m too embarrassed to go to the gym and I don’t want anyone to see me like this or to see me struggle. I’m getting anxious just typing this… I asked her for a link which she promptly sent. I went back to my meal followed by deserts because tomorrow was a new day…

The first day wasn’t so bad. Based on my answers, I was allowed 18 points a day. Fruit, vegetables, and eggs were all 0 points. I’m not a big egg fan, but I don’t mind hard-boiled eggs (only the whites, yolks gross me out). After a while, I found a 1-point egg salad recipe and a 2-point bread that I could have. I had gone shopping for snacks the day after we got home from our trip so now it was a matter of calculating points/servings for the snacks I already had on hand and was that a rude awakening! No wonder… But I digress…

It became apparent by the 4th day that I definitely eat my feelings (I’ve always joked about that but it’s a fact) and stress pushes me over the proverbial edge. The goal was not to replace the snacks that I automatically reach for after they are gone and substitute fruit and veggies instead when I feel the need to squelch those feelings with food. I went over my points in the first week but still managed to lose SIX POUNDS!!!

The goal this week was to stick to my healthier snack options. Find a few new things that I can incorporate that will keep me full/satisfied without going over my weekly allowance of points. I can have 18 points a day (add a point for every helping of vegetables) and 27 additional points for the week. I’m starting to understand the psychology of it all now. If I don’t have enough weekly points to enjoy something that goes over my daily points, eat veggies, add more points… oops too full from eating all those veggies… don’t have the appetite/room to overindulge… (lightbulb moment).

I’m not eating the vegetables fast enough… they aren’t staying “fresh” long enough. Berries are hit and miss. Good blueberries vs. bitter blueberries. Squishy raspberries vs. not ripe enough. Even grapes have been a disappointment. I’m considering growing my own. I thought about it last year but now I have more of a reason to do so.

I’ve got a lot to learn and figure out.

What I have learned so far…

Salad dressing is the devil.
I use too much coffee creamer.
Cheese isn’t worth all the points.
Baked chips aren’t bad.
Combo filled pretzels are NOT worth the points.
Peppers and cucumbers need to be eaten within the first 2 days.
You will NEVER get a fully fresh batch of strawberries. There will always be a half-rotten one buried in the pack.
If you buy 8 bananas, your kids will eat 7 of them.
Light & Fit non-fat Greek yogurt in all the flavors are AMAZING. A container of Toasted Coconut with a banana is like a tropical vacation in my mouth for only 2 points. 10 out of 10. Highly recommend.
Non-fat plain Greek yogurt with Ranch dressing seasoning makes a 0-point dip. It’s not my favorite but desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s definitely not your mama’s ranch. I’m going to try this with my Tastefully Simple dip mixes. Stay tuned…
Non-fat plain Greek yogurt can substitute for mayonnaise in egg salad. The Dijon mustard in the WW recipe (I think) gave a bit of an aftertaste that I don’t like. But adding some of my diced veggies (onions and my peppers/cucumbers before they go bad) made it better and if you add enough, you get a bonus point!
2 pieces of Sara Lee Delightful 45 Calorie Bread is only 2 points.
Light Country Crock over “real” butter saves points.
Grilled chicken from almost any restaurant is a nice meal with steamed vegetables. I just did this with Red Robin (instead of the burger and fries) and I’m seriously not disappointed.

Halfway through week 2 and I’ve lost 9.4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is legit the lightest I have been in YEARS. This partially makes me sad because I still weigh what I did when I was pregnant but on the other hand, I’ve finally made it below 175 lbs which I haven’t seen in sooooo long.

Current Weight: 174.6

Oh… and “F” YOU Lily! Those pills do NOT shrink your belly.

Squishy’s Log Day 2 – found a pound and picked it up…

Current Weight: 180

The kids go back to school tomorrow, I go back to work. Setting up a schedule routine tomorrow to get back to moving and eating healthier portion-controlled meals. It’s Brandon’s birthday and he wants his “favorite” breadsticks. I’ll be picking up fruits and veggies when I order his cake and birthday dinner for this weekend. Let’s see if I can lose 5 pounds this week. I’m hopeful.

Squishy’s Log Day 1 – New Year, New Beginning

Current weight: 179

It’s been almost a month since I hurt myself. I can not even begin to explain how depressed and defeated I feel. My legs (specifically my calves) had been aching for days. Then on that fateful day less than 2 weeks into my weight loss journey after closing my green exercise ring and finding the energy to clean out my closet, I struggled down the stairs with 2 big black contractor bags full of clothes and shoes headed for the Good Will store. One awkward step out the front door (hopefully my mother-in-law isn’t reading this because she has been on us about “fixing” that treacherous step) I felt a sickening pop and a rush of warmth before the excruciating pain took over. Silently praying this was a strain and not a tear I limped back into the house. 2 weeks. TWO.WHOLE.WEEKS. Before I finally felt like I could start walking normally again. I thought I’d take it easy and slowly walk on the treadmill but on my way down the stairs I did “it” again. I feel almost back to “normal” today but I’ve spent the day catching up on all the things I was struggling to do while I was hurting. Of course, I stumbled across a superstition that you aren’t supposed to do laundry on the first day of the year. WTF?!?!?! Of course, I got all the laundry caught up TODAY! The FIRST DAY OF THE YEAR. So according to superstition I’ve either washed all my luck down the drain or the darker version, I’m washing for the dead. Further research for the meaning of that one… Someone in my household will die. So yeah… stick of fork in me. As if losing Betty White wasn’t enough… I’m just going to sit here and revel in the fact that my laundry is done. The kids have been fed. And even though I haven’t been active for almost a month, I haven’t gained any weight. I’ve actually lost 3 pounds. Today is another day and it’s Sunday. No school… no work… and NO LAUNDRY. I’m going to take today as a win and screw superstition. This is going to be a great year!

Squishy’s Log Day 12 – 12/3/2021 Friday

Current weight: 182.2

I forced myself to get on the treadmill yesterday despite the fact that my body aches. It’s fighting me every step of the way (literally). I needed to meet and close my exercise ring and I was going to do it no matter what. The fact that walking at a 4.5 pace hurts so much is beyond embarrassing but when I said I lived a sedentary life, I wasn’t joking. It is no wonder I look the way I do. Unfortunately, my move goal wasn’t met but my exercise and standing goal were, and considering how I felt yesterday I’m still taking that as a win. I also exceeded my calories but still nowhere near the calories I was accustomed to consuming so I’m also not going to beat myself up over it. I realize that weighing myself every day is really not the best idea either. I’m just trying to keep myself accountable. Today is a new day and I’m confident that with a few more changes I can get to my December weight goal by the end of the month. After all, it’s only day 3…

Squishy’s Log Day 11 – 12/2/2021 Thursday

Last night we took the kids to Urban Air. It’s relatively empty if we go in the middle of the week after homework. We mask up and let them run/jump/play off some energy. Last night things started to get a little busier the last hour we were there and that’s when I met Lily. Freaking Lily! I had already taken the last 2 bites of Jackson’s discarded soft pretzel with cheese, 6 of Izzy’s Skittles, and 3 sips of coke when I followed my little bouncing baby girl to the trampolines. I was just sitting on the edge watching Izzy jump when I met Lily. She must have seen the debate lingering on my face… should I jump a few times to try and burn off the kid’s leftover snacks? The thought was lingering in my head when Lily plopped right down next to me and said, “Ya know grandmas can jump too! Old people should really get some exercise.” I looked over at this little girl and thought… wait?!?!? Is she calling ME a grandma? WTF LILY!?!?!? I smiled and said, “Yes. It’s good for old people to get exercise.” I realized she was there with her grandfather, a tall man with snow-white hair, and figured she was just being friendly. Was her grandmother there too? I scanned the small number of people and deduced she was only there with her grandfather and just let it go. But Lily wasn’t going to let it go… she repeated the need for old people to exercise as she looked me square in the eyes. I could feel the heat in my face and it wasn’t the mask I was wearing. I was embarrassed. This little, 6 maybe 7-year-old girl was calling me OLD. Her grandfather had to be at the very least 20 years older than me. TWENTY but she was basically relating my age to his. Then Lilly said, “Ya know I saw a commercial for a pill that will shrink your belly. You should get that pill to shrink your belly AND get some exercise.” I grumbled, “thanks, I’ll think about it” and convinced Izzy to jump somewhere else. I found Brian and blurted out that it was time to go home and that some little girl just crushed me. He laughed and asked, “Was her name, Lily? She told me I didn’t have much hair left.” Apparently Lily calls it as she sees it. Can’t really be mad at an overly honest child. I’m sure I’m displacing the anger and frustration that I really have for letting myself go so much. So from now on when I start to slip or I don’t feel like getting up or I want to eat my feelings, I will remember Lily and how this overly honest little girl saw me as a sad, old, fat grandma who wasn’t sure she wanted to jump. Thanks for the motivation, Lily!

Current weight: 182.2

Guess I shouldn’t have eaten the kid’s left over snacks last night. Only half kidding. I know I’m going to need to exercise more and even with cutting back on my calories, where I choose to “spend” those calories is going to have to be better. Instead of 6 Skittles, I should probably have a carrot. But I am getting up and forcing myself to move and my food choices are becoming more deliberate. I’m no longer eating with reckless abandonment. That’s got to matter. Right? And for the second time in my life I have closed all 3 rings on my activity tracker! Yay me!

Breakfast 9AM

2 coffee with Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer: 140 calories

(I’m measuring my creamer now. Every calorie “counts”, right?)

Midmorning 11AM

2 pieces of toast with peanut butter: 310 calories

Snacks

Peanut butter, celery, raisins: 250 calories

Small bag smartfood white cheddar popcorn: 80 calories

Carrots, celery, spinach herb dip: 150 calories

Dinner 7:30PM

Egg salad sandwich with baked ruffles: 420 calories

Diet Dr. Pepper: 0 calories

egg salad sandwich & chips: 420 calories

Move Goal: 550 calories – Actual Move Calories: 457 calories

Exercise Goal: 30 minutes – Actual Exercise: 30 minutes

Stand Goal: 12 hours – Actual Stand: 12 hours

Calories: 1,200 – Actual Calories: 1350

December Weight Goal: 160 – Actual Weight: 182.2

Squishy’s Log Day 10 – 12/1/2021 Wednesday

Current weight: 181.2

I did it!!!! I closed all 3 rings yesterday! To the average person this probably doesn’t seem like much, if not laughable. But this is huge for me since settling into my sedentary life. I’ve had this watch for a couple of years now and I don’t think I’ve ever actually closed all 3 rings before. My goal is to do this every day for the month of December.

Breakfast 9:00AM

1 black coffee: 10 calories

1 coffee with Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer: 70 calories

Lunch 11:00AM

egg salad sandwich & chips: 420 calories

Diet Dr. Pepper: 0 calories

Snacks

Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips: 140 calories

Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn: 100 calories

Kid’s leftover snacks: 130 calories

Dinner 6:30PM

egg salad sandwich & chips: 420 calories

Move Goal: 550 calories – Actual Move Calories: 585 calories

Exercise Goal: 30 minutes – Actual Exercise: 36 minutes

Stand Goal: 12 hours – Actual Stand: 13 hours

Calories: 1,200 – Actual Calories: 1290

December Weight Goal: 160 – Actual Weight: 181.2

Squishy’s Log Day 9 – 11/30/2021 Tuesday

Current weight: 182.4

Just spending a typical day working I tracked my steps. I hardly ever pay attention to the activity tracker on my watch. Turns out I get less than half the steps in that I should on an average day. December I am challenging myself to close all 3 activity rings every day. That’s my “move goal”, “exercise goal”, and “stand goal”.

I’m also challenging myself to keep my caloric intake to 1,200 calories (at least until I get my activity level up).

Move Goal: 550 calories – Actual Move Calories: 553 calories

Exercise Goal: 30 minutes – Actual Exercise: 31 minutes

Stand Goal: 12 hours – Actual Stand: 13 hours

Calories: 1,200 – Actual Calories: 1140

Weight Goal: 160 – Actual Weight: 182.4

Breakfast 9:30AM

2 coffees with Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer: 160 calories

Lunch Noon

egg salad sandwich & chips: 420 calories

Diet Dr. Pepper: 0 calories

Snacks

Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn: 100 calories

Dinner 5PM

Sloppy Joe – Baked Ruffles: 460 calories

Squishy’s Log Day 8 – 11/29/2021 Monday

Current weight: 185

Well, this just about sucks. Granted I had a slice of pumpkin roll every day but nothing more than I would usually eat and I’ve gained. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been and it’s defeating. I have also come to the conclusion that being accountable and cutting back on the calories I consume is just not going to be enough. Time to move.

Total Steps: 4753

Breakfast 10:30AM

2 coffees with Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer: 160 calories

Bacon (1 slice): 43 calories

Snacks

Graham crackers: 240

Hershey Bar: 220 calories

Lunch 12:30PM

Nutrisystem lunch bar: 200 calories

Dinner 6PM

Kid’s leftovers: 450 Calories

Total calories for the day: 1313

Squishy’s Log Day 7 – 11/28/2021 Sunday

Current weight: 184.5

Damn pumpkin roll!

Squishy’s Log Day 6 – 11/27/2021 Saturday

Did you know you can have pumpkin rolls delivered directly to your front door in less than an hour? Well…. you can. I did and that’s all I’m going to say about today.

Current weight: 183.2

Squishy’s Log Day 5 – 11/26/2021 Black Friday

Current weight: 182.6

Another day… munching on leftovers (and a piece of chocolate Nothing Bunt Cake).

Calories are the enemy today.

Still weighing in lighter than the day I started this infuriating “diet” so I’m counting this as a win and moving on…

Squishy’s Log Day 4 – 11/25/2021 Thanksgiving

Not even attempting to count calories today.

Current weight: 182.2

Squishy’s Log Day 3 – 11/24/2021

Current weight: 182.2

Breakfast 10:30AM

Starbucks Venti Peppermint Mocha: 500 calories

Snack

1 cup red grapes: 104 calories

3 almond Hershey Kisses: 23 calories

Pepsi: 75 calories

Dinner (early) 3:30PM

House salad ranch dressing: 350 calories

1 cup pineapple: 82 calories

Unsweetened iced tea: 10 calories

Eat N Park potato soup: 104 calories

Total calories for the day: 1248

Squishy’s Log Day 2 – 11/23/2021

Some will question why the hell I would start this just days away from Thanksgiving. But the truth is, I will always have an excuse. There will always be something going on, an ‘event’, a holiday that will threaten to throw a monkey wrench in my plans or provide an adequate excuse to start “this” next week. But if I don’t start NOW. I never will. I’m tired of hiding behind my kids in pictures when I can’t avoid being in pictures. The double (triple chins) and OMG… my arms!!! Not to mention the fact that I had to go up a dress size for my BIL’s wedding because my boobs wouldn’t fit in the size I would normally purchase. MY DAMN BOOBS! And don’t even get me started on my stomach, otherwise known as the squishy pillow in which my ginormous boobs rest… Izzy actually asked me if I was sure there wasn’t a baby in there. Soooo…. here we are. Day 2.

Current weight: 182.4

Breakfast 9AM

2 black coffees: 20 calories.

Lunch 11:30AM

Nutrisystem lunch bar: 200 calories.

Snacks

Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn: 100 calories.

Peanut Butter Crackers: 140 calories.

Dinner 5PM

Loaded baked potato: Calories 395

Nutri System Classic Fagioli: 220

Diet Coke

Filling up the water bottle (I managed to drink one full water bottle and about an hour and a half worth before bed. Going for the full monty today.)

Total Calories 1075.

Squishy’s Log Day 1 – 11/22/2021

I got on the scale. I got off the scale. I changed the batteries and checked the calibration. Damn! Guess the scale doesn’t lie. I am beyond “squishy” at this point. Looks like I’m skipping the breakfast burrito this morning. This blog was meant to help keep me accountable so here I am.

Current weight: 183.0

UGH!

Breakfast 9AM

2 coffees with Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer: 160 calories

(forcing myself to drink water)

I’ve come to the realization that I don’t even drink half what I should a day. I’ve read that you aren’t really hungry when you think you are… you are just thirsty. Maybe this will help? Who knows I’ll probably end up healthier too.

Lunch Noon

I’m hangry. I want take out Chinese. But unfortunately, before I had surgery earlier this year I invested in Nutrisystem and used my surgery as an excuse to “take a break” and rekindle my romance with GRUBHUB. My pantry is still full of Nutrisystem meals so I’m doing the responsible thing and heating one of those suckers up. Cheddar Broccoli Rice is what’s on the menu today, 200 calories. I don’t think I added enough water… it’s a little chewy. I just keep telling myself I’m making a little extra room in my stretchy pants for Thanksgiving.